


Bravery

by TheWerdna



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Gen, Hopeful Ending, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22486252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWerdna/pseuds/TheWerdna
Summary: No matter how much she wished otherwise, she was trapped here behind the door. Paralyzed from the terror and anxiety she faced every time she stepped beyond the safety of her room. Because of it, she could never live her life like everyone else. No matter how much she tried, she could never overcome the fears that were her prison. She could never be brave enough.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Bravery

_Stupid… Useless…. Worthless... Like always…_

_This is why everyone hates you..._

Bernadetta tugged her knees tighter again her chest, rocking slightly in the spot she sat huddled in the corner of her room

Her room was dark save for a single sliver of light passing from beneath her doorway. Outside she could hear faint voices, too far away to make out. They sounded happy… not like her… she didn't deserve to be happy… she wasn't like them…

_They're judging you, Bernie… they know you're here hiding… know you're too scared to leave… Stupid! Idiot! Why do you even bother! You can't do anything right! They're all thinking it!_

She rocked back and forward, feeling a choked sob fall from her throat. Why couldn't she do this…? Why couldn't she just be normal? Why couldn't she just make it one day without drowning in her own fear? Make it one day without anxiety? Worrying that people hated her or were going to hurt her? She knew the doubts were stupid, knew they weren't real… but she couldn't make the voices stop. Couldn't stop thinking those things. Couldn't stop being afraid…

_They hate you. They all hate you, Bernie…_

She turned her head, staring at the door that separated her from the outside. The door that kept her safe, away from all the things that could hurt her. The door that trapped her here, in the only place she was free from all those anxieties.

The door that isolated her from everyone else.

If only she were stronger… Then maybe she wouldn't need to hide away here forever. To be able to step outside from that haven. To be the kind of person who wasn't afraid… who didn't doubt everything she did. Who didn't feel so worthless and unwanted….

She wanted to. Honestly, she really did. Almost every day she wished she could take that step, to go outside. To have friends. To live her life without being paralyzed by worry, or anxiety, or fear.

To be… normal. Just like everyone else…

A murmur of voices seemed to grow louder, crawling their way from beneath her door and passing into her room. A haze filled her vision, the walls stretching away from her as the empty room grew larger. As the voices grew louder, so too did the voices within her own head, their constant words of doubt and criticism coming even more frantically now, until soon she could barely even hear herself think. She felt so very small, drowning within the fog that was her own self-doubt. Her own weakness… her own worthlessness...

It's so hard…

The voices surrounded her now, drowning out all other sensations. Tendrils of self-doubt reached out, forming shadowy hands that gripped her tightly. She was being dragged down, deeper and deeper into the waiting maw of self-loathing that opened beneath her, threatening to swallow her whole.

She found no strength to resist. Why fight what she'd failed to overcome?

_You'll never be like everyone else, Bernie… you'll be like this forever…_

She'd tried. So many times she'd tried. But every time she did, it always ended the same. The fear and anxiety would take hold, building, and building until she couldn't control herself any longer. She'd run and hide before she could stop herself, unable to even think about what she was doing in her panic. Or worse, she'd scream and shout at the few people who pitied her enough to even try speaking to her. Yeah, pitied was right… why else would they even bother when all she ever did was panic and run away screaming.

Why wouldn't they hate her, when she was so completely worthless?

_That's why everyone hates you, Bernie… You can't do anything right…_

Of course, they hated her. Why wouldn't they? Even her attempts to fix that, to be normal for once, had ended in miserable failure. No matter how much she tried, no matter how much she wanted to be a normal girl just like everyone else, she could never take that step. It always was too much. She couldn't do it.

_You can't, Bernie. You never can… and you never will..._

She shook her head, curling tighter into a ball, dropping her head into her lap. No matter how much she tried, she could never overcome her fear. Her fear of being outside. Her fear of strangers and everything trying to harm her. Fear of being judged and hated and shouted at and scorned and told she's worthless. It was that fear she could never escape. The fear that was her prison.

All around her the haze of voices began to grow louder and louder, bleeding in through the closed door. She squeezed her eyes shut, shrinking back from the sounds. All around her, faces began to flicker in and out of focus, appearing even with her eyes shut and covered. Their faces twisted in sneers of scorn and anger, shriveling her beneath their judgeful gazes.

_Coward… useless… worthless… unmarriageable..._

That's all she ever was… Always afraid. Never strong. Never pretty. Never smart, never talented, never brave, and never good at anything.

_Never good enough..._

Faster and faster the faces flashed before her eyes, the voices around her growing louder and more frantic with every passing moment. She couldn't make out any individual face or sound now, blurring together into a ceaseless barrage of sights and sounds. She began to fall, sinking into the unrelenting cacophony of sensation. She wanted to run, to escape it all. But she couldn't. It was too much. Always too much!

If only she were better. If only she were stronger. If only she were braver. Maybe then she could. But she couldn't. She would never be able to...

"Have faith in yourself."

A single new voice cut through the cacophony, silencing all the sights and sounds drowning her as if they were merely motes of dust brushed away by a hand.

For a moment Bernadetta didn't move, not daring to do so. Then, slowly, she opened her eyes, lifting her head to stare at the person who'd reached out to her.

Before her stood a young woman, her hand outstretched, offering it to her. The woman was tall and beautiful, with straight and styled purple hair so unlike the messy mop that was her own. The woman's eyes were also like her's: large and grey, only these weren't sunken and sad. While not glimmering with confidence or strength, they appeared more joyful. More alive. Even her clothes were pretty, shades of purple and gold embroidered with intricate designs. She was everything Bernadetta wished she could be. Everything she could never be…

"That's not true… I know you can… because I did…"

Bernie blinked, staring at the woman in disbelief. _No… she couldn't… I can't possibly be…_ Yet the longer she stared the harder it was to deny the similarities. She didn't know how it could be true, yet somehow she knew it was… that the woman before her…

The beautiful woman was her.

"It's going to be hard. Every day you'll struggle, and your anxieties will never go away…" the older Bernadetta told her. "Sometimes you'll wonder if it's really worth it. Sometimes your fears will seem too big to bear. But even if it's scary, you can face them. Things will get better. You have a whole life ahead of you."

Bernie's vision blurred, feeling tears begin to streak down her face. Her older self bends down, her extended hand inches from her face.

"But what if… what if I can't do it…" she whispered. She felt icy hands grip her, the shadowy tendrils of her own doubt grabbing hold of her and beginning to drag her back down. "I'm so…"

"You can. Because you aren't worthless, Bernie. We aren't worthless. Out there, past that door, we have so many people who care about us." The older Bernadeta smiled gently. White lights seemed to wrap around her, withering away the darkness clinging to her, replacing it with a warm feeling Bernadetta scarcely recognized… something she'd never thought she'd feel…

Hope.

Slowly Bernie lifted her head, reaching for her older self's hand. Fingers wrapped around her's, gentle but strong, pulling her up towards the light raining down around them.

"You're so much braver than you think you are…. Remember that…."

The light seemed to grow ever brighter, burning away the room around her… her safe haven… her prison….

Until there was nothing but warm, welcoming light.

It was hope...

**. . . . .**

A soft knock on her door awoke Bernadetta from her slumber.

Murmuring groggily, Bernadetta rubbed her eyes, squinting as they stung against the bright sunlight streaming in through her window. It was late in the morning already, marking the start of another new, probably terrifying day.

The knock sounded again, causing her to jump and nearly topple out of her bed in surprise. Instead, she managed to scramble out from her tangled covers. The knocking didn't seem urgent or harsh though. It was gentle, patient even…

"Bernadetta? I wanted to make sure you were awake. Class is starting soon." It was her professor's voice.

Oh no. Did she oversleep? Was she in trouble? Was her professor angry with her?! She couldn't bear that. What now? Should she just hide? Refuse to go out? That would be easier… less scary too. Yes, so much safer to stay here, safe in Bernie's room…

" _Have faith in yourself."_

The words seemed to come from somewhere within herself, as if from some forgotten memory or half-remembered dream…. Wait… what had she been dreaming about? She remembered feeling warm… right before she woke up… But what had…

"Bernie? Did I startle you?" Her professor asked, sounding concerned for her.

"I…" Bernadetta stammered, pressing a hand against the door. "No, it's fine… I… sorry I overslept. I'll be there is just a moment."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes… I…" Bernadetta stopped, shocked at what she'd been about to say. "I'll be fine…" she whispered, realizing to even more surprise that somehow she believed those words. She was terrified still, just like she always was. But somehow… somehow she felt a bit more okay with that. Like she could face that fear, even if only a little bit.

Slowly she reached out, her fingers brushing against the doorknob. For a moment she hesitated, standing there frozen in place. Then her hand closed around the knob, turning it as she opened the door.

Sunlight splashed against her face, warm as it washed across her skin. She was afraid. Afraid of what the day might bring...

But somehow, she believed she could face it. Or, at least, she could try…

For now, maybe that was the bravest thing she could do.

**Author's Note:**

> * * *
> 
> **Author's Note:** So those of you who are familiar with my normal work may be surprised to see me write something that is not Robin x Lucina related, but honestly this was a long time coming. I have been trying to come up with a good idea for a Bernadetta related story for a while, since she ended up easily being my favorite Three Houses character, and thus needed to do this sooner or later.
> 
> That said, I originally had intended to get this one-shot done prior to the end of the Fire Emblem Heroes "Choose Your Legends 4" voting as my bit of "Vote for Bernadetta" propaganda, but sadly due to a combination of being busy and a little bit of procrastination on my part, I didn't finish this until the voting ended. Oh well, still crossing my fingers that she wins.
> 
> Oh, one last thing: this one-shot was heavily inspired by an amazing piece of fanart I saw a while back, that I used as the basis for this. You can find it here: _**bigglyboof.tumblr.post/188549720925/have-faith-in-yourself**_ . Given how much of this I based on that art, I for sure need to credit the artist for the piece that inspired this. I for sure need to credit the artist for the piece that inspired this..


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